Birthdays and Brown Buicks



buickAround 1999-2000 buick made the car for the future.  They slapped in a 205 6 cylinder 3.8 liter engine with a standard luxury pack, room to stretch legs and enough power to get the windows almost all the way down in cold weather.

It had a sleek enough look that one could pretend it was something different, but Buick always added their emblem, standing statuesque in the middle of the hood.  Not worth breaking off for money but perhaps to hide identity.  They then placed all these cars out in Roswell, put aliens behind the steering wheel to test drive and prepared to release them to the “streets” in 12 -15 years and then only to people over 60, preferably 65.  In fact Congress passed a law stating that you should have one when you turn 60 and must procure one at 65. Trade your car in and get one, excepting if you worked for the government.

And their ‘marketing’ worked!  Everywhere you drive you see these magnificent steel steeds coursing the roads, humping along at at about a 25 mile clip in town and perhaps breaking 45 on the freeway.  

Standard driver physicality is either: a rumpled lady peeking beneath the top of the steering wheel just over the dashboard  or a guy wearing a hat and ear mics, the right one left out just in case he has to listen to his ‘passenger.’

She is not color blind but it can take her a minute to determine if the light really has changed ‘shades of grey.’  She might cut the corner tight, but that is the other drivers problem.  And if she gets lost, she’ll just stop mid street and see if the Bakery sign is close by.

He knows he is in control and that all other cars will do his bidding. Damn the torpedoes full steam ahead.  He might accelerate a little faster, but the average speed does not change much from the ladies.

Go to any small town and you swear you kicked a ground bee nest and out came these Buicks and their ‘maniac’ drivers.  They are like Harley Jocks, with the hand low; “hey, we are together Bro.”  Except they just bump into each other instead.  Keeps local body shops working over time and insurance agents pulling their shades closed if anyone older than 50 is seen approaching.   Those pretty ladies in the front desks aren’t receptionists but look – outs!

The local Thrift shops have parking lots that resemble car sales one’s, exclusive for these wondrous machines.  No one parks between the lines and more than a few have tangled bumpers.  There would be more arguments except most cannot remember which car is theirs.  Or they forget what they were arguing about.  A few might cross the street where the Cinema is and see if they can find their car.  Pity any0ne who forgot to lock their doors.


I have to procure one today.  Think I’ll take it to a shop and see if I can get the color changed.  Can’t be purple as that is the color for the 60 -65 year olds.  These are not mandatory and many try to hold off getting one as the local ‘gendarmerie’ like to pull these over to make sure someone over 65 is not in the wrong color.

Blue.  I”ll get it changed to Blue.  But then I will probably be ostracized. Or jailed.  Better to be jailed then to get a “look!”  What the heck,  I have been stopping in the middle of the street for years.  Maybe they won’t notice.  I think I will take to this new ordinance very well.  Just would like it to be Blue.





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